She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm getting married
To pizza
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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