so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
