so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
