uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
