Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
