I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
