he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
