You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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