Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize