Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
