Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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