I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
