There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
