Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
