he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize