Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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