I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
