Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
