i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
