hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
