There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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