Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
