Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
