So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize