Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Small penises have feelings too.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
