Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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