White coat. Heels.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
