I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
