So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
