you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
