Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize