i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm always down for nudity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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