They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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