yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
