i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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