dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drake has all the answers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize