There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
