im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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