he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
