Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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