If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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