he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
