I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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