Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drake has all the answers
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize