It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
