ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
