there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
