you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
