hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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