i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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