I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
