I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
