I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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