so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
