i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize