theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
