2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Edward fifth and chaser hands
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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