Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
