I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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