I just saw a hot homeless man
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize