I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
