i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
