why do cheetos always look like penises
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
