So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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