Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
