Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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