you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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