Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
