On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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