i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
