It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
