ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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